Shedding tears, somehow, is a way to calm myself from overthinking and anxious (Yes, I have been struggling with anxiety for past years). Knowing the fact that I will reach the age of 26 years old this year without an incredible career nor any other achievements assure myself that I am a failing product. Out there, friends work in BUMN, start up, get a master degree, become a manager (I am just a staff because I am not as smart nor diligent as others) marry someone they love while I still have to deal with my solitude. I am happy living with myself, dealing with problems with myself, calming my anxiety with myself. As a very closed person, never was I talked to even by my parents about the problems I have. Simply, because I do not want to burden them. I am not a good daughter as I cannot make them proud. The thing I can do now is let them be happy without giving them a worry. Let them know that I am happy living with myself.
On Social Media (read: Instagram or WhatsApp), I may show happiness by joining events or doing charity work. That is the way I hide my loneliness and forget about my anxiety for a moment. One day, I told a friend about my worry and he responded with a surprise, “I thought you did not think about it. You always look happy”. I don't really share sadness over Social Media because what is the point? Ustadz Khalid said, “When you feel sad, only say it to Allah SWT. You cannot believe people.” I am a type of person who does not want to worry people. Everything I do by myself, even carry a gallon. I do not seek help from others as long as I still have energy to do it by myself (I go to the grocery, watch movies, eat in a café, go to the mall by myself).
Around two weeks ago, I read and watched a video about minimalism. I think I love the philosophy of it. “Minimalism is a tool that can assist you in finding freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry. Freedom from overwhelm. Freedom from guilt. Freedom from depression. Freedom from trapping of the customer culture we’ve built our lives around. Real freedom. Minimalism has helped: Eliminate the discontent, reclaim our time, live in the moment, pursue our passion, discover our mission, experience real freedom, create more & consume less, focus on health, grow as individual, etc. By incorporating minimalism into our lives, we (hopefully) be able to find lasting happiness and that’s what we are looking for, isn't it? We all want to be happy. Minimalists search for happiness not through things, but through life itself. Thus, it’s up to us to determine what is necessary and what is superfluous in our lives.” (Source: https://www.theminimalists.com/minimalism/)
Wake up at shubuh, I go praying and reading the Quran. Later, I exercise a bit (I am trying to exercise more in the morning), read news or books, clean my room, wash my tableware, listen to podcasts, get ready to work. Those are practical things I build as a minimalism routine in the morning. Probably, I do not earn much money compared to other friends, but I have a hope, a big hope that someday, I can go traveling. Hopefully. I only eat two times or even once in a day, I prevent myself from buying fancy things (even if I am able to afford it), order go food is rarity, I never went to laundry (I wash my clothes my myself), or buying IPhone or other things, just to save more. However, I am happy living in a simple way and let me say, Minimalism way.
