A Soliloquy : 2019

RESOLUTION FOR 2020 AND HOW TO ACHIEVE IT

I do not know if writing this on a blog actually works as I have been doing since years ago but never got a real result. However, let's make it work this time (pointed at myself). My resolutions for 2020 and how to achieve it:

1. Read more. I read for like 11 books this year. I know it is less compared to the others. However, I am proud of myself. I want to read more in 2020 > 11 books, hopefully. I found some preloved English book accounts that sell various good books (I bought Frankly In Love and the Life Changing Magic of Tidying and those are in good condition). I may look up and buy from it again. Furthermore, I want to watch some booktube contents to give me insight into what books I should read.

2. Listen to Podcast/Islamic speech more. Before going to work or after subuh, I should play Inspigo or Podcast to enrich my knowledge on some certain topics, especially general knowledge, career wise, and Islamic topics.

3. Increase my English ability both in writing and speaking. I should rewrite a written post from some English blogs (at least twice in a week) and join Britzone class and Toastmaster meeting more (at least twice in a month).

4. Start learning Mandarin. I can learn from youtube and Duolingo. I should prepare my notes to focus on it.

5. Salat on time and read the Quran. It is so difficult but I will try my best.

6. Find ways to increase my income like writing on IDN or whatever (I am still thinking though).

7. Save more. I have to at least save 1 million IDR a month if there is no urgent need. I have to think more before purchasing something.

8. Tidy up. I must clean my room everyday and arrange my stuff orderly. Sunday is a maintenance day.

9. Go traveling. I want to try solo traveling. Hence, I have to save up more.

10. Start joining Yoga or something else like running or just dance or whatever as long as I can move my body.

I think that's enough. However, a thing I wish I can erase is rebahan (laying on bed for a long time) and playing Instagram. Let's not be a narcissistic person.

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Joining Productivity Management Training

Review 23.42

Yesterday, I joined Productivity Management which was held by Upgrade (a training provider that was led by mbak Amelia). The reason why I felt to join is the how many hours of my time in a day I spent wastefully. The other people who also joined have similar reasons that they can not manage time wisely. We are in the same shoes, actually. Another reason for me joining this is how I was relieved with mbak Amel workshop last week when she conducted a public speaking training at Britzone’s Internal Gathering. She is a good speaker and seemingly gives positive energy to the others. Here is what I got from joining Productivity Management Training :

What is Productivity??

Doing many tasks at the same time? No. Multitasking? Obviously not. Productivity is how the actions we do have a meaningful and important impact on our life. In short, I can say “Quality > Quantity”. We do many activities in less time but create more impact. The factors that can create more productivity consist of :

a. Why, find your why

b. Planning

c. Strategy

I think the first factor is the most important, not only finding productivity but also finding a purpose in life (Do I sound too melancholic?). Let me talk in an honest way that I have not found out the purpose of my life yet. Is this a life that I always want to grow into? Instead of knowing the purpose of life which sounds too complicated, let me straighten this term to be more narrowing : “What do you want to do if you do not need to think about money or time?” I answered, “Traveling”. To be more specific, I want to go to Europe and Turkey. Why do I want to go there? Simple, as it has many historical, unique yet looking so good buildings. We all know Europe has that kind of building. I do really love seeing tall, dashing, unique, historical buildings. I can spend my whole life adoring and taking pictures of it (You wish, Ros but Amin). Turkey has many and deep historical sites about my religion, Islam, which religiously trigger myself to visit this country someday. It is also showing a unique geography in which the country to be divided into two areas which the other sides belong to Europe while another one belongs to Asian. But let me break down the cost of traveling to Turkey in Backpacker way in five days:

Package Tour to Turkey from Surabaya around 30 million IDR (I use some references from Surabaya Travel) + allowance 5 million IDR. Total = 35 million IDR
Saving (net) each month : 2 million IDR
It does take time around 18 months to finally afford the tour.

If I want to speed up the time, I have to apply for another job to increase my income. Actually, I would like to reopen my new design service but it doesn’t earn that much or writing on IDN. Hopefully, I can grant my wish. I come to know that my value of this life is adoring Allah's creations. I love seeing all things that I love traveling (though I do not travel that much/cough on money and time but once I go traveling, I can't stop admiring this universe and start mumbling of how this world is beautifully created by Allah through Big Bang).

The Components of Productivity

These are:

a. Time (if we can not manage well, it could lead me being procrastinator)

b. Energy (if we can not manage well, it could lead me being burn out/tired)

c. Attraction (if we can not manage well, it could lead me easily distracted)

I think I got problems with those three factors but mostly it is the last point which is easily distracted or less focused. Starting off now, I want to decrease my time on being overly hooked with Social Media (except for searching for Information and doing my business). Keeping distance from Whatsapp Application is also one of the ways. Not to forget to read some books to keep my brain awake and filled on. I need to buy books on Periplus but let me wait for next month as my balance is in crisis this month (Camera and AirBnB says Hi). The skill I want to improve :

a. English speaking

b. Designing

c. Writing

d. Public Speaking

e. Photography (as it seems my resolution for next year)

Mbak Amel also explained about Pareto Law that I would remember so deep. Pareto says 20% of your actions can create 80% of your impact. It is a productivity thing (All of a sudden, I remember production in my company). I would love to do 20% but I can get 80% impact. How is the way? Measuring my own activity whether it could be effective enough in terms of time, result, and impact. I have to learn to break down my activity everyday to know more detail. I would start tomorrow:

List of to do tomorrow :

a. A little exercise (duty)

b. Maintenance day (duty)

c. Finishing Britzone report (duty)

d. Reading (duty)

e. Go to Rumah Bahasa (Optional)

Strategy

These are:

a. Make my morning

b. Maintenance Day

c. Use Assistant (Gratitude Apps)

d. Work your attention muscle

e. Avoid Multitasking

Thank you Upgrade Learning Crew and Mbak Amel.

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LET IT BE THE OTHER’S

Corat-Coret 06.32

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REACHING AN AGE OF TWENTY SOMETHING

Corat-Coret 05.28

I do not know exactly how to define this golden age (Do people tend to say this, right?). I never thought for once this age would be a really mixed feeling, among happiness, sadness, loss, depression, and confusion. People are right when they say they have a mental breakdown and face a quarter life crisis phase at this age, in which I am today. According to Thorspecken (2005:121), the quarter life crisis is a period of stress, instability, and major life change. It happens when many young adults feel doubt about their future and feel like they are being trapped in their life choice. I do, people, I do.

It started when I graduated from college as a transformation between a silly teen to early adult becoming. A phase when I was still dependent on my parents to become a fully independent adult is not easy, especially when I just started off my career. I faced confusion, identity, frustration with the relationships (Let me broaden the word of relationship. I talk about the relationship in general, not specific in love terms, including a relationship with The Mighty God) and career, disappointment over something, insecurity towards the future. I was still thinking of “Do I really want this?”, “I could do better”, “I am in a mess”, “I am the worst” to “I hate myself”. It leads to creating self-blaming in me which is not a very good thing. Has this feeling disappeared yet? Of course not, until now, it is still lingering on me.

Last month on my birthday, I contemplated deeply about who I really am, and what I have done for the past years. All those thoughts about me could have been better if I did more is stressing me out. It got worse when I logged on Instagram, saw my friends' posts and IG story of them receiving a scholarship, traveling abroad, marrying, and having a good career while I was still struggling to even understand myself. It is unfair, my friends. Perhaps, it is enough reason for me to slowly leave Instagram for a better life (let me not exaggerate by saying “constantly leaving”. Going to return to share information which should be shared only). Living with jealousy is not healthy, and I do not want to suffer more.

This month is Eid, of course, we can not leave Eid without a killer question that I am religiously sure you all already knew without me mentioning it. Those people are not wrong though, we are. We are at fault if we think they are rude to ask that. It is just us who can not answer their question smartly in a sarcastic way. Pointed at myself, that’s me.

Every time I lay on my bed after working (Technically before taking a bath, stretching out my body for a second), I always think, literally I feel overly over thinking and let me not say about random stuff that pops out all of a sudden on my empty brain. I start questioning my purpose of life (when will I die; what happens to me after death? Is Julio's thought about nihilism would happen? *Julio is my Spanish friend who is willing to tell me about nihilism that I thought it does not make sense at all; Will I be in heaven after dying or my sins would drag me to hell?; Does God hate me because I create sins that much?). In a blink of an eye, my mind changes to “Why do my friends are so great? While me being a useless girl that whines too much on life because everything I do is creating a failure? Why am I this dumb? I could do better in life” et cetera, et cetera. Before it gets worse, I usually do something like watching a movie, listening to a podcast, listening to Islamic speech, or reading a blog/book. Currently, I am reading a book called “Filosofi Teras” by Henry Manampiring. Before, I finished a book by Isyana Artharini called “I am My Own Home” that mostly talked about a life crisis. I also read blogs from three different persons whom I adore, they write their own versions of being in twenty-something. Particularly, there are tonnes of people who proclaim this, not surprised though.

I hate being compared but I love doing something comparable between myself and my friends (Chef Renata's voice: That is not nice). I still remember when I was a kid, my parents tended to compare me with my cousins or friends at the same age. I hate it, right? But why do now I do this again? It is really hard to not say that we are happy with our friends’ achievement. I mean, one of the Bollywood films called “Three Idiots” said a very funny and relatable dialogue, “We are sad if our friends do not success but we are sadder if our friends are more successful,”

People of my age, out there, are struggling to face this difficulty as well, not only me, not only you. Some people have good luck, some people do not. Some people have access to travel around the world, some people have a hard time to even fulfill daily needs. Some people have a good career life, some people attend job fairs at every chance. Some people are getting married, some people are left behind for a creepy and lame excuse. Some people decide to leave a beloved country to fulfill their dreams, some people get hard permission to leave all the conformity she/he has. Everything is working in that way but for us, as a human has a large chance to improve our life's quality. The problem is just not all people successfully follow what they really want and get in this life.

I have not seen my future yet, I do not have an idea what would happen to me in two years, five years, 10 years? Will I still be an officer at work? Will I be able to go traveling again abroad? Will I be able to join the work camp again? Will I still cry over Tony’s death in Avengers? it is a joke, Pals. Will I be still alive because death is the closest thing upon us, isn't it? All those unanswered questions make me sick, somehow. I love hurting myself.

Last year, I made a commitment to myself that I have to love myself more by providing me time more, fewer worries attempting, minimalizing my time on Instagram (except Twitter because it gives me so many information, finds great mutual, and particularly gives me an entertainment), and allocating more time on reading something like novels, blogs, news, et cetera. The reasons why I want to leave Instagram the most is (though, I cannot be full on hiatus on it. I attempt to leave any sooner) is because it is a platform to show off (Actually it depends on the individual's mindset and the way we are operating it). It gives us, me actually, the anxiety of not feeling better than my friends' achievements that they show on Instagram. I read a good tweet a few days ago on Twitter that stated how Instagram can reduce all our happiness in a glance. Let me picture this: We are about to go to Bali in upcoming weeks, then we see our friend’s post that she/he will go traveling to Japan. All of a sudden, our excitement regarding our trip is vanishing. Why? Our humane side has a feeling of jealousy and tends to compare ourselves to others which (I already stated before) is not healthy. This feeling hits us, as a young adult in specific, really hard as we have a big ego.

One of the articles on The Jakarta Post posted in June (Title: Social Media linked to poor mental health in Indonesia, research finds) stated, "Social media highlighted the country’s high level of inequality, creating envy, and feeling resentment,”. In addition, Global Development Institute Researcher, Gindo Tampubolon said, “We would like to see public health officials think creatively about how to take a break from social media, or to be aware of the negative consequences it can have on mental health.” See?

We also love being someone that society sees is good, not someone who really wants to be. Society thinks working in a good company is more prestigious than having a small business. Society thinks a woman who marries a rich man is much better than a working woman. Society thinks an independent woman is intimidating (Is carrying a gallon by myself considered as independent?) Society thinks that women in their 20s should marry or they will be called “nggak laku” (not sure what it is in English, perhaps, not getting interested by men?). Society thinks people with bright skin and good posture is more interesting. The lists go on and on, endlessly. The combination of feeling anxiety and the pressure from society is a major source of unhappiness. No wonder, you can see many communities that are engaged with depression are all over on Instagram right now. Why? Because society is toxic and has a tendency to control our lives. That is not how things work, Buds. And of course, Instagram makes it worse. Read this quote that I found in my new book, “If you live according to what others think, you will never be rich” Seneca (Letters).

[In a wave of immediate anger. Take a deep breath, breath in, breath out]

All those feelings, somehow, changes as fast as Quick Silver’s speed when I am on motorcycle, seeing many people on their sweats after working, people who are preparing to sell foods, man in the middle of road guiding a traffic and he gets a coin, a granny (who is supposed to take rest and enjoy her time at home) who is still willingly to sell fruits, children who help their parents to sell food supplies, et cetera. Somehow, I read news about the injustice that occurs, the massacres in Palestine, Sudan, Syria, I feel really sad and ungrateful. My inner heart says “Look at the people over there, Dumbass, there many people who are suffering more than you. You get a job, no money problem, free bird, good health, good friends. Be thankful," Still remember Razan Al Najjar? I cried hearing her news that time, she is the definition of "Angelic woman". Imagine, there is a woman who sacrificed herself to help others while there is a girl who cries over herself because she feels miserable because she thinks her life sucks? Just, how bad I am.

Cannot you see it? My moods are so dynamic, I can be mad in a minute then get emotional in a minute later. It is safe to describe my life as floating because I step on the middle zone of two different feelings in no between. Yeah, that is me at twenty something. Moods are going up and down, feeling loneliness although, in reality, I have friends who always are ready to listen to my blabbering or parents who always call me to make sure I am OK. I am learning something that it is normal to feel that way because we are basically a human. We have the brain, heart, and senses to notice everything nearby. We do not feel bad to have jealousy on others because we high key want to feel better than the others. It is called basic human, my friends. After all, we always learn something after getting bad things, right? That is how we call experience and growing. My new mantra, ”God is not in a hurry. You are. It’s why you’re tired. It’s why you’re anxious, stressed, and disappointed. Trust that what was meant to yours, will be yours. Unrush yourself.”

It’s Ok. Sometimes I pat myself and ensure that I am doing good in this life. I can accept the reality of who I am, but it is just sometimes I feel I let my parents down. They once said they were proud of me, but I still think it was not enough. I could do so much better in my life. I am sorry, Mum and Dad. I am not a good kid.

[Spotify plays on shuffle]

Hey, Dad look at me

Think back and talk to me

Did I grow up according to plan?

And do you think I’m wasting my time

Doing things I want to do?

But it hurts when you disapproved all along

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I’m never gonna be good enough for

You can’t pretend that I’m alright

And you can’t change me

…………………………………

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AVENGERS END GAME, SINOPSIS, REAKSI, DAN OPINI

Review 05.30

Satu kata ketika saya selesai melihat ini, “Why?”

Membutuhkan waktu untuk menerima kenyataan bahwa karakter favorit saya aka Iron Man aka Tony Stark harus meninggal di akhir film. Saya menangis, literally beberapa orang di bioskop juga, ketika scene Peter berlari menuju ke arah Tony dan berkata, “We won, Mr. Stark, we won.” Sesedih itu memang. Tony di awal film End Game selalu berkata, “I lost the kid”, yang semua penonton (yang sebelumnya sudah menonton Infinity War) tahu, kid di sini yang dimaksud adalah Peter Parker aka Spider Man. Dua tokoh ini memang tidak ada hubungan darah, tapi mereka sangat saling menyayangi karena Tony sudah menganggap Peter adalah putranya sendiri. Di awal film, the Avengers mendatangi rumah Tony dan meyakinkan cara untuk bisa melakukan time travel yang telah dijelaskan konsepnya oleh Scott Lang aka Ant Man. Namun Tony tidak setuju dan masih menganggap konsep tersebut susah untuk diterima dan dilakukan sampai akhirnya ia melihat foto dirinya dan Peter, yang kemudian Tony membuat suatu model untuk mewujudkan konsep time travel tersebut karena ia merindukan Peter.

Sinopsis :

Separuh populasi musnah (berubah menjadi debu) akibat dari snap yang dilakukan oleh Thanos di film Infinity War. The Avengers yang menjadi korban snap tersebut di antaranya adalah Dr. Strange, Spiderman, T’Challa (Black Phanter), Shuri, Vision (Vision meninggal karena snap atau gara gara dibunuh Thanos sebelum snap ya? Waktu Thanos mengambil Mind Stone di kepalanya Vision), Scarlett Witch, dan para GOTG (Guardians of the Galaxy : Groot, Mantis, Drax, dll). Dua hari setelah kekalahan tersebut, the Avengers yang tersisa (Captain America, Black Widow, Thor, Rocket, Hulk) dan Kapten Marvel mendatangi Thanos yang hidup menjadi petani. Di sana, Thanos kehilangan kekuatannyya dikarenakan akibat reaksi dari snap kedua yang ia lakukan (snap pertama untuk memusnahkan separuh populasi dan snap kedua untuk menghancurkan Infinity Stones agar tidak ada yang bisa mengembalikan setengah populasi tersebut).

Thor lalu membunuh Thanos dan the Avengers tidak ada ide lagi, atau dengan kata lain menyerah karena tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan lagi karena Infinity Stones sudah hancur. Lima tahun kemudian Scott Lang muncul (terbebas dari quantum realm gara gara ketidaksengajaan seekor tikus). Ia melihat bahwa dunia sudah berubah dan orang orang menghilang. Datanglah ia ke markas the Avengers dan menjelaskan konsep time travel yang ia alami. Akhirnya the Avengers (termasuk Tony, Nebula, Hawkeye) mau bergabung walaupun awalnya Tony sempat menolak. Sedih melihat keadaan Thor di film ini, ya dia menjadi kecanduan alkohol dan tubuh kekarnya membesar aka menjadi gendut karena depresi. Bagaimana tidak depresi? Dia kehilangan separuh rakyat Asgard, orang tua, kakak, adik, dan sahabat terbaiknya (Tonton di Thor Ragnarok dan Infinity War). Dewa pun bisa depresi rupanya. Mereka secara berkelompok kembali ke masa lalu untuk mengambil Infinity Stones. Steve, Tony, Scott mengambil Tesseract (Space Stones), Nebula & War Machine mengambil power stone (?), Black Widow dan Hawkeye mengambil soul stone (syarat untuk mengambil soul stone yaitu harus dengan nyawa orang yang disayangi. Hawkeye dan Black Widow bersaing untuk mengorbankan diri, tapi akhirnya Black Widowlah yang meninggal), Hulk mengambil time stone, Thor dan Rocket mengambil reality stone (?) Jujur saya tidak hafal untuk siapa yang megambil batu apa, mohon maaf jika ada yang terbalik. Mind stone siapa yang ambil ya? Duh lupa.

Konsep time travel di film ini berbeda dengan film film time travel lainnya di mana biasanya kalau kita kembali ke masa lalu dan “merubah” masa lalu tersebut, akan mengubah nasib kita di masa depan. Konsep time travel di sini, apapun yang dilakukan di masa lalu, tidak akan mengubah masa depan. Jika ada yang diubah di masa lalu, maka akan terbentuk timeline terbaru. Menurut saya ini sangat cerdas dan pasti ada sangkut pautnya untuk film MCU selanjutnya (I see you, MCU). Semua berhasil kembali membawa Infinity Stones masing masing kecuali Black Widow yang harus mengorbankan dirinya untuk mengambil soul stone. Dan tentunya Nebula masa lalu (Nebula jahat) yang berpura pura menjadi Nebula masa depan (Nebula baik). Finger snap untuk mengembalikan separuh populasi dilakukan oleh Hulk, dan berhasil. Sayangnya, Nebula masa lalu berhasil membuka portal untuk Thanos dan pasukannya dari masa lalu untuk masuk ke masa depan (timeline utama MCU), tentunya untuk mengambil Infinity Stones. Saat pasukan Thanos memasuki masa depan (timeline utama MCU), Cap kelihatan putus asa karena ia berpikir bahwa dengan pasukan Thanos sebanyak itu, pasti the Avengers akan kalah. Thanos sendiri saja sangat, sangat kuat. Namun tetiba Cap mendengar suara panggilan the Falcon, “Cap this is Sam. On your left” (Tonton Captain America : The Winter Soldier, scene awal Cap dan Sam) yang ternyata semua the Avengers yang menjadi debu telah hidup kembali. Merinding ketika Cap berkata, “Avengers, assemble”.

Bertarunglah antara the Avengers vs Thanos dan pasukan. Btw, di sini Kapten Marvel juga datang (like WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME, CAP???????) Thanos masih terlalu kuat, the Avengers dihajar habis habisan. Shieldnya Cap patah kena senjatanya Thanos. Captain America berhasil mengangkat Mjornir akhirnya hohoho, salah satu best scene di film ini pastinya. Penonton pada bersorak kegirangan ketika menonton adegan ini. The last chance, Tony berhasil memakai Infinity Gauntlet dan melakukan snap kedua yang memusnahkan Thanos dan pasukannya. HE DID IT, TONY STARK DID THAT. Tentu ada konsekuensiya, karena efek dari kedahsyatan Infinity Stones tersebut, tubuh Tony melemah dan tidak mampu bertahan.

“WE WON, MR. STARK, WE WON, “ Peter to Tony

“YOU CAN REST NOW,” Pott to Tony

“IT’S A PROOF THAT TONY STARK HAS A HEART”

Me to Tony Stark. “I love you 3000” (Hanya penonton End Game yang mengerti maksud ini)

OPINI SAYA :

Dengan berat hati saya harus mengakui bahwa inilah ending yang tepat untuk End Game. Mengapa? MCU diawali dengan adanya Iron Man dan untuk megakhiri fase MCU ini harus ditutup oleh Iron Man juga. Walaupun sempat saya berpikir bahwa kapten Marvel lah yang akan berperan banyak dan mengalahkan Thanos. Secara dia adalah kapten Marvel, tapi ya entah apa perannya sesungguhnya, mungkin untuk MCU fase selanjutnya? Let’s see. Selain Iron Man, kita juga tidak akan melihat lagi Black Widow yang meninggal waktu mengambil soul stone (Apakah waktu Kapten Amerika mengembalikan soul stone, Black Widow bisa kembali hidup? Entahlah, tapi I guess not). Kita juga tidak akan melihat Kapten Amerika yang diperankan oleh Steve Roger, karena ia memilih untuk hidup normal ketika kembali ke masa lalu, dan memberikan peran tersebut ke Sam aka the Falcon.

Tidak hanya saya yang sangat kehilangan sosok Tony Stark, bahkan banyak juga orang yang merasa sangat sedih dan kehilangan sosok Iron Man ini. Mengapa? Iron Man adalah sosok yang menggambarkan “paling manusia” di antara tokoh the Avengers lain. Maksudnya? Berbeda dengan Hulk, Thor, Captain America yang diberi kekuatan secara fisik, Iron Man benar benar berasal dari manusia biasa, ia mempunyai kecerdasan super sehingga ia bisa menciptakan sosok Iron Man dalam baju besinya tersebut. Ia juga mempunyai sifat yang sama seperti manusia lain, seperti sombong, ceroboh, egois, dll dibanding the Avengers lainnya dimana mereka benar benar memiliki sifat heroik. Steve pernah berkata di film “the Avengers” tahun 2012 kalau Tony adalah sosok egois yang tidak mau berkorban untuk orang lain. Ya walaupun di akhir film, Tony hampir meninggal untuk menyelamatkan yang lain. Dan di film ini adalah benar benar pembuktian kalau ia bukanlah sosok yang egois. Dengan berakhirnya MCU fase 3 di film Spiderman Far from Home (I can’t wait, July please come faster), berdasarkan isu yang beredar akan ada multiverse akibat dari time travel yang dilakukan the avengers. Banyak teori mengenai timeline tersebut, termasuk teori saya yang berharap bahwa Tony masih hidup di timeline lain dan Loki juga masih hidup sepertinya. Anyway, ini akan sangat menarik karena pemimpin the avengers berikutnya mungkin adalah Kapten Marvel yang merupakan sosok perempuan. Dan the next Kapten Amerika adalah Sam yang merupakan orang berkulit hitam. A new era with a woman and black people as a leader of the avengers (?). I give 9 out of 10 (biasness detected but who cares?). Jika belum nonton, coba nonton trailernya dulu di sini.

"We won, Mr Stark, we won"

"I am Iron Man"

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HIGHLIGHT OF 2018 AND RESOLUTION FOR 2019

Review 03.48

2018 went so fast, didn't it? It seems like yesterday that I just got into my previous company, now I am jumping to a new company already. So, what have I achieved this year? Actually, I do not have such a “prestigious” achievement this year. If I could define 2018 in two words are “ups downs”. I learnt many things this year and went through so much. I learnt to take a high risky decision, I learnt to let anything go because it was not mine to begin with, I learnt to feel nothing to lose, and the most important is that I learnt to love myself more.

I did not pay attention that much to what had happened in the first half of the year in the society world. What I knew was just the common things [that used to happen again]. The presidential election began to happen. That means the rivalry aka spreading hoax and conflict would part the society away into two sides. If I could define the approaching era of the presidency election was everyday-bullshit aka tired of the unwarranted promises. It was even much worse after the candidate of the president [formally] chose the vice president.

Actually, the highlight of 2018 [as for me] was the natural disasters that destroyed and killed many people in some regions of Indonesia. Started off with the simultaneous earthquake in Lombok and Bali which could kill hundreds of people. In a span of not quite a long time, Tsunami and earthquake approached Palu and killed more people than previous. Indonesia was in deep condolences knowing that we did not have proper tools to detect Tsunami that lead to the [increasing] the death. In the top 10 as a country who is easily attacked by natural disaster yet did not have technological tools to prevent it is so saddening.

Do you think it is finished? No, a month later there was a plane crash by Lion Air that went missing after minutes of taking off. In the result, the plane went down to the ocean due to the malfunction of one main machine device. It was actually a new [more automatically] plane by Boeing yet id could not last long, only took three months to make it crash and shattered into the ocean. Three months in row, the unfortunate kept coming to Indonesia. People died, families cried, money gone, building ruined. Nothing remained except the sorrowful memory of losing family and friends.

A month and a half later, another Tsunami [which Meteorological, Dermatological, and Geophysical Agency did not even warn in the first place, then gave misinformation regarding Tsunami that was “unexpected” they say]. Unfortunately, at that moment there was an event which was located very close to the beach. In a glance, soulless bodies tossed around, people died, hotels ruined, cars moved and crashed out but the trees kept standing. How I wish all those scary disasters would stop and end in 2018.

In the term of personal life aka my life, joining a work camp is still memorable. Meeting new friends from different countries is a blessing. Getting to know more about the policy of the country related, they way they live, the way they see the social problems make me act not ignorant. I still remember in 2017, a guy said “Will you marry me?” to me in public which was tragically ended with nothing. In 2018, a guy said “Rosa, I love you” in public which tragically ended with nothing [again]. Not trying to lie, I was heartbroken for a while but go off, I guess. He is not for me after all and never.

Long short, these are the lists I did in 2018 :
1.      I resigned from my previous job that I never felt happy to begin with
2.      I joined work camp
3.      For the first time ever, I fell in love with non-Muslim guy
4.      I got new job
5.      Treated my family for short vacation
6.      Got new friends
7.      [Still] lack of reading enthusiasm
8.      [Still] be late for Shalat
9.      Visited many museums in Surabaya

If I have to choose one moment in 2018 which I really love is joining Borobudur work camp. Why? I got a new friend and it increased my confidence in talking in English. Borobudur work camp is something that I will always remember and treasure every moment. I do not want to write my resolutions for 2019 in a long list, I want to simplify but I wish it will work. These are my resolutions:
1.      Enjoy my new work
2.      Reading books more
3.      Write on blog or somewhere else more
4.      Find soulmate (?) Rosa is mature already
5.      Solo traveling
6.      Listening to Islamic’s speech more
7.      Save up more

Enough? Enough, I say. I hope those resolutions will work in their own ways. Pray for me.

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